IT’S A $HIT JOB . . . .

It’s a shit job but someone’s got to do it.

A line that probably originated with that least prestigious of royal appointments – Groom of the Stool.

If you don’t know the origin of the title, don’t bother. Think King Henry VIII, and lots of rich food. (Clue – we we are not talking three-legged stools)

In greyhound industry terms, being the trainers’ rep on the GBGB would seemingly involve working in similar conditions as that medieval appointment.

When Peter Harnden’s term in office recently came to an end, he searched the room for someone else to take a turn. A lot of hands were kept in pockets as 475 sets of eyes metaphorically spotted something interesting through the window.

So Peter agreed to continue with what appears to be the least appreciated unpaid job in the industry.

(You’re a mug Peter – at least the original stool keeper was given lands and a title)

And before anybody says, “What has Peter ever done for us?”, they might want to reflect on “what would have happened had he not been there?”

In my view – plenty – behind the scenes.

The burden on trainers has never been greater than it is now.

The welfarists have taken over GBGB.

While that has to be applauded at many levels, it is invariably the trainers who end up carrying the can, getting it measured, sterilized, registered and are held responsible when the handle comes off.

Peter Harnden has spent hundreds of voluntary hours defending the trainers’ corner in the boardroom and (allegedly) being censured for daring to question procedure.

But that is only half the job. The other half is assisting trainers facing steward’s inquiries.

Even if he had the time, even Peter would admit that discecting disciplinary process and offering advice on legal matters would not be his strong suit.

But recent events have suggested that it has never been more important. Check out recent Calendars for cheating resulting in slapped wrists, and technical breaches being treated like capital offenses.

It seems obvious to me that much of that this has come about as a result of the way the trainer represent themselves in inquiries. (The other is failures to understand the industry – thought that is a subject for another day)

Trainers are invariably out of their depth in a stewards inquiry.

I am not saying for one second that the current regime tolerates the sort of dishonest *shenanigans of previous times.

(*Failing to fully investigate, ignoring key witnesses, and the misplacing of unhelpful evidence. Anything to get ‘a nick’)

But the fact remains that, to this day, the prosecution of offenses is well funded and executed up by legally trained, professionals.

The trainers are left to their own devices.

You wouldn’t represent yourself in a criminal court, so why would you do so in a stewards inquiry?

And as we have seen recently – the judgement of the stewards would frequently fall way short of attaining even the levels of proof required in criminal (“beyond reasonable doubt”) or civil (“on the balance of probablities”) courts.

Somebody must be found with the ability to advise trainers as to their best course of action.

I understand that Peter did once apply for funding to appoint a trainer’s advisor but that it was (allegedly) blackballed by promoters.

That has to change, for theirs and everybody else’s sake.

We must have a mechanism that we can ALL trust and support.

(Without breaching any confidences, I can reveal that some of the most unlikely and powerful figures in the industry have privately accepted that trainers need proper representation.)

Perceived miscarriages of justice and disproportionate penalties help no one.

They build years of resentment – ever wondered how the forums were born?.

Until they get the right advice – my advice to any trainer attending an inquiry would be – forget what you were told by your parents.

Admit nothing.

Because honesty is not always the best policy.

The news that Central Park is just a metre smaller than Hove won’t surprise some of the trainers who sing its praises.

But the recent remeasuring goes beyond that.

Doing 29.00 for 491m sounds a lot more impressive than 29.00 for 480m.

Without even realising it, will trainers start to think differently about which dogs they enter? “He just about sees out the 480. But 491 is further than he wants.”

Same course – Doh!

I do wonder though, how an industry that measures greyhounds’ time in hundredths of a second, can race over the wrong distance for so many years.

And they had two chances at it. How did somebody not notice something when the standard was changed from 473m in 2007?

For years I nagged the NGRC to check some of the race distances. I was just waved away as a troublemaker.

How many other incorrect distances were never rectified?

The one that jumps out at me was Shawfield. It’s apparent circumference was 432m. I had always assumed bigger. It’s 480 clock was 28.55 more than a second slower than the likes of Monmore and Sheffield.

I’d still be slightly suspicious of Doncaster’s 483 – another massive galloping circuit with a track record of 28.87.

Maybe, when Robert Watson gets the surveyors in for Askern, they could have a quick check up on Donny?

In the meantime, I’m going through old betting accounts to see if I can find an ante post on the 2019 Kent Derby Final .

Bockos Doomie led off the last bend and, according to my reckoning, was in front after 480 metres. At 491m he was beaten half a length by Forest Alan.

I feel a claim coming on.

Luke Wasteney with Bolson Arrow

As an industry we get very prickly about ‘rescued’ when people mean ‘retired’ (and rehomed).

Sadly in the case of one of the surviving hounds seized after the Rebecca Perkins cruelty case, ‘rescued’ is the only accurate description.

A couple of weeks ago, I received an email from Richard Wasteney from Wawne in East Yorkshire.  He had given a home to a blue and white dog seized by the RSPCA (York). Richard has earmarks but no other clues to the dog’s identity and wanted to know more about him.

I spoke to one of the stipes who asked that I pass on details. In the meantime, Richard had done his own homework and discovered that ‘Wolfie’ was in fact, ex-Doncaster B7 runner Bolson Arrow.

Richard said: We went to York RSPCA to meet him in October.  He took to my grown up son immediately see photo. He loves people and kids. He was bad with other dogs but hound walks with Facebook groups has worked wonders.

“We have had some food issues initially with guarding and eating too fast which were also easy to remedy. The only problem we have is sensitive bowel still not solved but much better. We will get there. Almost had a couple of vet visits with possible gastro but smaller feeds and Prokolon did the trick

“He’s happy now for me to leave alone for  four hours or so. Great manners with food and meeting most new dogs. Loves walks especially new places which he gets plenty of and tiny taste of my dinner once I’ve finished during which he waits so patiently.

“It’s fantastic to be part of the good bit of the story. GBGB and RSPCA have been very supportive and did a great job”

Now that is the kind of rescue story I can gladly endorse. A big thanks to the Wasteney family.

Apologies to readers who like to access the website via the app but who have been unable to do so since the beginning of July.

Unfortunately, the company hosting the website was taken over and without my knowledge, provision to continue the app slipped through the cracks.

All of which has shoved me out of my prevarication zone and into a big shake-up.

It cannot have escaped most readers’ attention that despite the regular news updates on the site, very little has changed in appearance since its launch in December 2014.

Certain sections on the site are so old as to be embarrassing.

So – come the hour – come the Mitchell.

The brightest techie I know, one David ‘Blue Tick George’ Mitchell, has agreed to revamp the site and introduce some of his own ideas to take the website forward.

The big switch comes next Tuesday – hopefully you should see no noticeable change on day one. But in the coming weeks and months, we can really kick-on.

One item that will be missing is the landline contact number.

It has been inoperable for some months, a situation that I instigated.

The problem occurred when one of the ‘Find an X near me’ websites decided that our landline number should be associated with a sandwich shop in Cardington, Bedfordshire.

It is by all accounts, a very popular business – as witnessed by the dozen or so calls I received every day.

Trying to get it rectified was impossible. It wasn’t the shop’s fault. The various negligent websites weren’t interested.

Eventually, the only solution was to disconnect the phone.

So never again will I pick up the phone to hear “Hello, is that Nice Baps?”